Two Scoops of Thought

Two Scoops of Thought

By: Amanda Mann


And they were super pissed... as if a wang had been removed before their eyes, the prized organ, and it didn't matter who it belonged to, just that a peter had been whacked(off). That pissed.

But not even Wix would say what all the bellyaching was for. They made a promise not to tell, whether the outcome was good or bad...they had to keep it between the five of them. Five little humans with hippy-Vonnegut names that had each their own unique jingle to it. Each born exactly a minute apart on the same day (except Wix the youngest) to the same set of parents, Margie and JoJo in the year 1973 1/2.

First the oldest boy Murk: born to ponder all things monetary and potentially praise-worthy. Achievements: Discovered that ruining other science fair projects is a fast way to get ahead and bring home a blue ribbon.

Secondly a baby girl with no hair Astoria: born with black eyes and one strand of blonde hair. Those who saw her said she had God's face. Achievements: Putting the star on the top of the Christmas Tree each year.

Third...a nobody child named Cool Jerk (after the song popular in an era of past times). His dad JoJo thought it would have a Boy Named Sue effect on him, but it didn't. It made him want to fly away on a rocket like Elton John sings about.

Fourth...another baby girl. Fip. Fip was born with all the hair Astoria should have had and her own supply. It covered her back in a deep carpet of lunugo. But it fell off of her back when she was about 2 months old. She was very smart, she taught herself to build a rocket for Cool Jerk at age five by discovering Inventions and Objects in Constant Motion, a book written by Shari Le Marla in the year 1856 with a strange inscription on the back dated May 19 , 1984. The Future!!! She found this book on the roof of their house while attempting new theories of playing God with Electricity.

Fifth, Wix. The delightful comic relief required in any story, but also the one most prone to being intimidated and hushed by the others but unable to keep his big loud mouth shut, hence it was quite surprising after the following incident that he zipped his lip on the whole terres- whoops!

It was Christmas 1983 when the news broke to the household that Santa was a Nordic Tradition, not a Christian Tradition, and that broke Astoria's heart, for everything was for her Jesus. She even loved the little Mexican Jesus in her class, because she thought he was the second coming.

Margie had just served Figgy Pudding out of the two-scoop device that Fip had made for her mom's Christmas present, when the chaos broke loose. JoJo said "Children of my heart loin, now listen here...make love not war. Santa is Love, Jesus is Love, this family is Love." For awhile all were silent...but naturally as with all siblings who are trying to have their say, the noise struck up again. Arguing that was in so many ways too complex for these barely 10 years to comprehend.

Fip said that all these holidays were made to unite people from long ago under a common theme, so that religious beliefs would not start new wars under new regimes. Astoria said that holidays should only be celebrated by the people who actually beleive in what they stand for. Cool Jerk ate his Figgy Pudding. Murk said he would go into business someday of making Santa Jesus dolls for children. "It'll make a real buck!" Wix never got his say, but he didn't know what to say, he just wanted to play with his new Swatch Watch.

After Christmas, talk of philosophy and religion was encouraged in the household. But it was not without long-lasting consequences for the children and what was to be for them...

Fip and Astoria were polarized in opposition and the boys were constantly being asked or made to choose sides in the debates and fights. Cool Jerk at last decided to side with Fip. She said Science could free him from their home. That was all he wanted to be promised. Astoria told Murk that the masses were going to be the consumers of his products, so he should appeal to them. Wix wanted a little of column A and B, he wanted space, motion, time-travel, aliens, cosmos, novas, spaceships.... but he wanted heavenly golden mansions in the sky and Jesus, and Sunday school donuts and forgiveness and feeling part of the love.

On May 19, 1984.....

What they saw that night in the sky they swore never to tell anyone, because it answered all their deep questions afterall, and it satisfied the desires of everyone. It was Science, Philosophy, Religion, Spirituality, Hope, Awe, and Fear wrapped into something they had never imagined or seen before.

After it was over, it ate their home with their parents inside it. And they weren't sad as they stood outside in the backyard. This force said it needed to happen. They knew their parents loved them, knew they loved their parents, knew their parents had been happy and loved eachother. They were pissed....

They were pissed because now their parents could not see how all that open-mindedness and encouraging them to think and talk would really shape them into 5 amazing spirits on this earthy realm. Realms away, how could they reap the benefits of their hard work and parenting?????